Judge not...

 About 24n24  |  About Epic4Epic  |  The Wildlands Conservancy  |  My Running  |  Giving  |  Levels of Support  |  Course Map  |  Donors  |  Facebook 

TWC Wind Wolves Preserve shade structure (photo Dave Clendenen)

       Not always, but often I meet my muse when I'm out on my runs or hikes. She sees me honoring my health, raising my awareness of breath and footfall, and she seems to approve by offering sage advice and new ideas. Take this morning, for example. I was thinking about my own generosity (and lack thereof). As long as I can remember I've felt uncomfortable with panhandlers, or those who stand patiently in front of a store checking with us when we pass by to do our shopping. Something about being asked for money. Maybe I suspect the money they gather will not actually help war veterans (example), or in the case of the one holding the cardboard sign that reads "Out of work, need HELP," maybe they'll just go buy beer or cigarettes with my loose change. I never think these people are lazy, or losers, or that sort of judgement, but I judged them nevertheless.

        I've changed a bit inside over the past year. I now carry a few folded dollar bills in my wallet, and give one to whomever asks for money. A dollar is not much, of course, but it probably helps a little. I think that Buddha said something to this effect, and I know it's found in the Bible (Matthew): Give to the one who asks you. I know could give, no questions asked, and yet still be judgmental. Problem is, this only allows for half of the giving equation—in a way it's robbing oneself while giving to another.

        Judge not lest ye be judged (again, Matthew). Here's where my muse stepped in. I thought, there's an alternative interpretation to the phrase "...lest ye be judged." It's not that I am judged by others as a result of my having judged someone, but that I am judging myself. This was what I'd been doing all along when I was judging those who were asking me for help, those who were asking for a "handout." Being judged is not a good feeling, is it? This might well be part of the discomfort I felt when I saw someone panhandling. 

TWC Whitewater Preserve (photo: Jack Thompson)

       Have you ever walked a few feet out of your way to avoid "the ask?" to avoid feeling troubled? How does my interpretation of "judged by others" strike you? I walk a bit straighter on my path now, and when someone beside me asks, I'll give. It feels right this way. Mostly because I don't make a big deal about it anymore. Maybe it’s a way for me to avoid getting involved in the difficulties of the one who asks (by simplifying the transaction I don't have to stop and help further). And I wish I could give more than a dollar, but I think I can't afford more. I guess that even with new clarity comes new questions.

       Not sure what all this has to do with 24n24, save that I continue to ponder the art of the giving heart, starting with myself.